Siblings, especially twins, have a unique relationship with one another that can include bickering, jealousy and a close bond.

But for Ellie DeShone, 17, there is something that she does not share with her twin brother -- his disorder. Paul has autism, a particularly severe form that stalls his development. He doesn't speak and has only been toilet-trained in recent years.

For most of his life, Paul has not been able to communicate. He has thrown tantrums because his parents couldn't understand that he was hungry or wanted to go outside. 

Yet often his twin sister has known intuitively what he needs.

"We had our own little communication when we were little that no one else really had," said Ellie.

The Elkhart teen has tried to explain autism many times, but likes to use this analogy: Communicating with someone who has autism is like putting information into a computer without being able to get any information back.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as few as one in 500 children and as many as one in 166 have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Experts such as Jim Dalton say that autism is a complex neurological and developmental disorder.

"It begins to show usually before a child is 3 years old," said Dalton, a child psychologist and vice president and chief operating officer for Damar Services, an Indianapolis organization that treats individuals with developmental disabilities.

"Many of these children never learn to use verbal language," Dalton said, "and there's odd and peculiar behaviors that sometimes can be very problematic and very aggressive."

Children with autism typically aren't interested in socializing with other kids, he added.

Sara Korfmacher, 18, is a freshman at Taylor University in Upland. She has an autistic brother, Ben, who is 16. He lives at Damar.

"Ben is entirely nonverbal," Sara said. "His autism is more on the severe end of the spectrum. No communication, he can't form sentences. He knows some basic words, but is not able to hold a conversation."

However, not all cases of autism are as severe as Ben's. For example, Asperger's Syndrome is a high-functioning form of autism.

Focusing on one area

People with Asperger's have normal intelligence and language development and sometimes have exceptional skills or talents in one area. They have difficulty with social skills and transitioning from one activity to another. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest.

Many young people with autism can live at home with their families.

"The biggest misconception is that these kids need to be locked away or put away in an institution, when the majority of kids, even ones with the most severe autism, can live in their own communities," Dalton said.

Seventy-five percent of all individuals with severe-to-mild autism are male, according to research. However, experts don't know why that is, Dalton said.

Andrew Glesing's little brother, Alec, 8, is treated for autism at Damar. Andrew, 10, said that he and his brother are very close -- "like best friends."

Yet their relationship also requires plenty of patience and understanding, something that many other kids don't quite understand.

"The experience of a sibling of a child with autism can be very unique," Dalton said. "There are more books out than ever about siblings. People are being a lot more sensitive to the non-autistic child because it really is hard on families."

For example, when Alec is at home, he sometimes interrupts Andrew when he is attempting to do his homework. Once, at the family's lake house, Alec ran away.

"He went into a busy street, touching cars while they went by, and it was very, very scary," recalled Andrew, an Indianapolis fourth-grader.

Situations like this can be typical with a sibling who has autism.

Andrew also remembers watching his brother toss a baseball back and forth with another boy.

Alec accidentally hit the child in the face with the ball, and it made him cry. That puzzled Alec; children with autism often have difficulty understanding emotions.

In other ways, Andrew and other kids who have siblings with autism have had to grow up faster because they have had to shoulder more responsibility, both with everyday chores and for their autistic siblings.

Growing up, Ellie helped her brother by making him snacks, helping him put on his clothes and making sure he didn't play with knives or turn on the stove. But she didn't feel resentful.

At times, she has felt guilty that her brother has autism, and she doesn't.

"I've often thought, 'Well that's just not fair,' " Ellie said. "I mean, we're twins, and it could've just as easily been me. Why wasn't it me?

"That was hard for me, knowing that I can do anything that I want to do with my life and he's very limited," she said. "He has touched a lot of people's lives, but it's not like he can go to medical school and become a doctor."

For siblings

According to Marci Wheeler, a social worker with the Indiana Resource Center for Autism, siblings need information about autism and its treatment, how best to interact with their brother or sister and time alone with parents.

Dalton emphasized that families need to take care of themselves as well as the child with autism.

"They should make sure that they are getting the rest that they need," Dalton said. "They need to make sure that all family members get the support they need and the encouragement because it really takes a lot of effort and a lot of resources to care for a child with autism."

However, there are bright spots. Often, the family of a child with autism is closer and doesn't take good times and good health for granted.

Sara feels that living and growing up with Ben has helped her relate to other people better, including the pain and challenges they face.

"I think Ben's helped me have an understanding and a place in my heart for people with disabilities," she said.

REPORTERS: Utah Davis-Kinsey, 12; Elaine Lynch, 14; Becky Mangan, 11; and Laura Mangan, 12.