A 7-inch tall, red-white-and-blue-starred Beanie Baby may not seem precious, but for a little girl whose father is off fighting in Iraq, it was one of the few comforts available.

She slept with the teddy bear, which her dad had given her, every night until he returned home.

"I felt really sad when my dad left because I knew that a lot of people had already gotten killed in Iraq," said Sierra Kelley, 11. "I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, he's going to get killed."

However, Sierra was one of the lucky ones: Her dad came back.

This month marks the four-year anniversary of the Iraq invasion. According to the Department of Defense, 3,163 U.S. service members have been killed in the fighting -- 60 of those casualties were soldiers and Marines with ties to Indiana. The conflicts in Afghanistan have escalated in recent months, too. Since 2001, 550 American military men and women have died there.

What often is forgotten are the struggles of children whose parents are serving overseas.

About 2 million kids have parents who have been deployed, according to the Military Child Education Coalition, an international nonprofit organization that helps children and schools cope with deployments. A Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University study found that teens with deployed military parents were more likely to have failing grades, hide their emotions and feel short-tempered.

"I think that often military families are somewhat the silent population. A lot of people don’t know about them," said Erin Michael Jolliff, a state youth coordinator for The National Guard, operating from Camp Atterbury, a military training and mobilization center south of Indianapolis near Edinburgh. "They just look like everybody else, other civilians, and so a lot of people don’t know that they have special circumstance."

Besides Sierra, who lives in Martinsville and attends Waverly Elementary School in Mooresville, Y-Press interviewed two other kids whose parents have been deployed.

Though their ages ranged from 11 to 17, all three kids shared one main fear: that their parents would be hurt while they were away.

Garrett Schlobohm, 17, is a junior at Carmel High School. Garrett's father is a special agent with the FBI and was deployed to Afghanistan for about three months in 2005. He is likely to go back overseas. Their close-knit family also includes Garrett's mother, and a younger brother and sister.

"I had fears of him not coming back," said Garrett. "I was afraid that they would extend his time over there. I was also afraid for my family because he is the rock that holds our family together, and it was very difficult without him."

Garrett said he prayed every night for his safe return after he read his dad’s e-mails.

"I can now sympathize and I know what other families may feel when they have relatives or friends or family overseas, and I feel like I can connect with them," Garrett said.

Ben Bills also attends Carmel High School. The oldest in his family, Ben has become responsible for helping care for his mom, his younger siblings, including an infant brother, Jonathan. His father, an Army Reserve major, is currently stationed in Iraq. He left for Iraq on Ben's 15th birthday -- June 18, 2006.

"When I first found out that he was actually going to Iraq, I felt really sad, depressed. I wasn’t eating or sleeping," the 15-year-old freshman said. "I felt kind of excited and kind of sad at the same time."

Ben’s dad did come home for his youngest son’s birth on Jan. 20 and left again for Iraq on Feb. 4. He’s expected back in Indiana in June.

Michael Jolliff has seen kids dealing with their divided families in their own ways -- from the extremes of pulling out their eyelashes and eyebrow hairs to simply feeling very sad and smiling less.

"You can have two 10-year-olds that will deal with their parent being deployed two different ways," she said. "There’re kids that respond very well to deployment because they’re used to it."

The communication between home and battlefront has been varied and unprecedented during parents’ Middle East deployments. E-mails and the Internet have helped kids and parents talk and feel closer to each other like never before during a war or conflict. All three youth said they talked to their deployed parents several times a month via a Web uplink.

"Talking to my dad via e-mail was great because I could check on his well being," Garrett said. "Even though he could only write when he was on base, I was grateful that we could e-mail. It would have been very stressful not knowing how he was."

This regular communication is one of many coping mechanisms that military kids use. Other tools used are support systems, military-funded outreach activities, and simply keeping busy.

"I just told myself that it’d be OK," Sierra said in a follow-up Y-Press phone interview. "Just go on with all your activities, just keep thinking that your parent’s fine," she added, noting that she just happened to be holding right then the red, white and blue bear her dad gave her before he left for Iraq.

When Garrett and Ben’s parents were deployed, they took on the role of "man of the house," assuming many of their father's responsibilities.

"I felt as though when my dad left, being the oldest, I had to step up to the plate and take over my dad’s responsibilities around the house," Garrett said.

He often helped his younger siblings with their homework, and was available to everyone until the evening was over.

"I was always, always, always the last person to go to sleep," he said. "I always made sure everything was shut, let the dog out, tried to take care of everybody pretty much. So I think when my dad was gone, I kind of tried to take over his role."

When a parent is deployed, family routines such as Garrett's change, according to the Virginia Tech study. Kids suddenly miss family rituals and traditions.

Ben compensated by being involved with his father’s life overseas. He and his family collected soccer balls, and then shipped the sports equipment to Iraqi children. He also prepared care packages with soap, deodorant, and snacks to send to his father.

Garrett’s family threw his father a birthday party -- with cake and presents. They took pictures of their family eating the cake and blowing out his candles, then e-mailed the pictures of their father’s birthday party to him. They repeated similar rituals for other holidays.

Michael Jolliff stresses that seeking help and community is a vital step for coping. She oversees state youth workshops, one of which occurred last weekend, (MARCH2&3) summer camp programs, and youth councils that give military kids a chance to connect with other youth in their situation. Ben confides in an Army chaplain for support.

"The best thing to do is just understand that there are other kids out there like you and you may not even know it," Michael Jolliff said. "Don’t feel alone. Don’t feel like you’re the only one out there because there are others out there."

But military families are often isolated. Not many Americans have connections to the war or know a military family. According to the Department of Defense, less than 1 percent of the American population serves in active-duty military.

Garrett and his family experienced those feelings of loneliness. Once, he found his mom in her room, looking sad. When he called out her name, she broke down, crying. Garrett then knew how much she missed her husband and was trying to be strong for her children.

"I felt good being able to comfort her," Garrett said, noting that his mom didn't always expect him to be stoic either. "I was able to vent at home to my mom in private … I knew I could share my feelings to my mom and she would comfort me."

Being emotional doesn't mean being weak.

"Crying is healthy," Michael Jolliff said. "Crying shows the child that it is OK to cry, it is OK to feel sad, but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on."

But sometimes -- no matter how much support is offered -- military kids simply yearn for their parents.

"I've been trying to keep myself busy, but this week it’s been really hard," said Ben. "I've been feeling a lot angrier and stuff like that, a little bit sadder, just depressed all around. I'm just getting tired of it; my dad being gone for so long."

ASSISTANT EDITORS: Adrienne McLean, 18.

REPORTERS: Ariana Gainer, 12; Julia Moeller, 11; Joi Officer, 12; Alexis Schaefer, 12; Taylor Sharp, 12.

If you have a parent serving in the military, here are some tips to help you cope:

◘ It is OK to cry. Letting out your emotions is a good thing.

◘ Talk to someone. Keeping your feelings bottled up isn’t good.

◘ Keep busy and continue your daily activities.

◘ Get help if needed. If you feel like this is the end of the world and you can’t go on, GET HELP!

◘ If you have a friend or family member dealing with a military parent serving overseas:

◘ Be a good friend. Try to understand what your friend or family member is going through.

◘ Listen to people. Be a supporter and be there.

◘ Be aware of your surroundings and your comments. You don’t know who is around and might be offended by what you say.

◘ If you are a military parent getting ready to go overseas, here are some tips for you. This will help your departure go smoothly for you and your children.

◘ Give each child a comfort item. Something of yours such as a T-shirt, ball cap, or pillowcase.

◘ If possible, give your children a tour of your work. In doing this they will become for familiar with your work.

◘ Ask your children to assist you in packing.

◘ If you are a military parent already deployed, here are some tips for you to cope.Be sure to write your children individually. In your letter use stationary, stickers, and things, which are appealing to the age varying groups.

◘ Remember birthdays and other special occasions. This will let your children know that you haven’t forgotten them.

◘ Cassette or video tapes can be used to send children messages or to read them a story.

Suggestions provided by Erin Michael Jolliff, youth coordinator for the Indiana National Guard’s Family Programs were compiled by Adrienne McLean, 18, and Joi Officer, 12.

Copyright 2007 Y-Press